a list of memories

i decided to compile a list of favorite things i've done from this school year (september 2008-may 2009). yes, the year hasn't finished YET but it will SOON. 

1. getting my new apartment and living with one of my very best friends Abby

2. buying decorations

3. attempting to cook

4. my poetry and creative writing classes

5. learning lessons outside of school

6. becoming better friends with a few people

7. studying for finals before Christmas break at my apartment with Tisha and Liz and staying up all night

8. making rice krispy treats. once on the stove with Tisha and once in the microwave with Liz because it was late and we were too lazy :)

9. having my own little home

10. the geranium my little sister Rosie gave Abby and me for our apartment that is perched on the windowsill. we water it every day :)

11. playing catch phrase and corn hole (a new favorite)

12. mine and abby's DANCE PARTIES we have when we get stressed. here is a sample of what we dance to: electric feel-MGMT, music is my boyfriend-CSS, paper plains-MIA, untouched-The Veronicas, upbeat things like this. if you have any suggestions for more fun music let me know :)

13. poems and short stories i've written while being happy, sad, confused, overjoyed

14. my birthday cake candle in my room. it smells JUST like birthday cake. yum.

15. long talks with my friends

16. the lights strung around my window

17. spankies and crawdaddies with my friends

18. POETS coffee shop and the fact that they now have bands playing there plus awesome coffee and neat atmosphere

19. the backdoor playhouse on campus

20. going to the 24 hour restaurant or rather "hole in the wall" Cosmos for 25 cent wings on wednesdays and also just going late at night

21. trip to the beach for spring break with Liz and her mom-so relaxing and beautiful everyday

22. driving around getting my frustration out

23. driving to and from school or anywhere with music pouring from the speakers. my cd player included: copeland, death cab for cutie, coldplay, ryan adams, damien rice, raising sand (alison krauss and robert plant's cd), a collection of cds i made: country favorites, upbeat pop songs, songs i remember from high school

24. going to friends' houses/apartments for get togethers and to hang out

25. the opossum i saw under my neighbors car. it stared straight back at me and didn't move.

26. learning more about writers

27. using Abby's GPS to find a restaurant we'd never been to before in Cookeville and eventually ending up at the Olive Garden :) we didn't achieve our goal, but it was good nonetheless

28. cinco de mayo is better than el tapatio en mi opinion 

29. having good, exciting food to eat in the 'fridge

30. the antique store i found downtown

31. slumber parties with friends

32. eating easter candy my mother supplied me with while watching movies and being lazy

33. realizing that i would indeed survive coming back to college and cookeville after Christmas break

34. driving past places of special significance to me and driving around campus to take in the sights, sounds and feelings around me

35. the bitter cold and wind walking to and from class

36. my sorority and going inactive, yet keeping the friends i made in it. i miss it sometimes.

37. going to blowing rock over Christmas break

38. exciting texts 

39. making this blog :)

40. getting a new phone

41. buying mucho cheap clothes from jimmy'z in morristown over the break since it was closing :(

42. asking myself "why" "how" "when" "where" but especially "why" over and over and over again

43. going to Window on the World with Caroline and regaining my desire to travel and explore the world

44. splurging on a dress in JonGee's :)

45. my roommate from freshman year, Emily, coming to visit in the fall

46. numerous trips to taco bell late at night

47. having friends over

48. REDBOX is a gold mine for the poor college student :)

49. meeting new and interesting people

50. overcoming times of struggle

51. being extremely happy and satisfied 

52. having interesting neighbors

53. sitting on a blanket in the quad at school while doing homework

54. going to Cardin's on the way home and getting a peanut butter and chocolate milkshake hm..i want one now.

55. receiving a call from someone very special to me

56. Vindication of the Rights of Women by Mary Wollstonecraft

57. reading Jane Eyre for the third time

58. watching The Strangers and not being too afraid. watching Changeling and being scared out of my mind

59. dinner with the Walls 

60. facebook and getting distracted by it while i should be studying. now i'm dostracted more by my blog :)

61. the cookeville public library

62. all of these memories are special to me and i will be adding more, i'm sure. the truth is, if it hadn't been for my wonderful friends, half of these memories wouldn't exist. so thank you and i love you all tremendously.

buenos noches dearies :)

haha

on warm sunny days, i park at a distance

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/47/142520383_8521314277.jpg i can't help but be grateful for the warm, sunny days that have arrived on my front doorstep the past few days. on days like today i decide to park a little farther away at school so i can embrace the feeling days like this bring me as i walk to class.

i have lots to say, so bear with me, and i may leave something out at that...

i am finished with my spanish oral exam, therefore much stress has been lifted off of my shoulders. now to get through the actual exam a week from now...

i went to the library last night, and as i was studying my spanish on a bench outside and trying to take in all of the last of sunlight, a friend walked up to greet me. we had poetry together last semester, and i don't see her as much anymore. i must say that we are not very close, but she is one of the sweetest girls i've ever met and always full of compliments. we greeted each other as usual. i was clad in a bright t-shirt and blue cheerleading shorts with my natural face on (no makeup). i complimented the girl on her outfit saying "you look cute!" to which she immediately responded, "well, thanks. you do too, you're just the cutest thing and so beautiful." it made me feel so good!

things people say can either break you or piece back together something that may have been lost.

i am loving all of these blogs that i have found. yesterday, i'm a bit embarassed to say that i spent a good portion of the day admiring all of them, and i added quite a few, so check them out!

i'm majoring in english as most of you know. i love it, however, i have had a yearning to do journalism. yes, they are somewhat connected, and i'm not changing my major since i'm a junior. but i'm thinking about getting my masters in journalism. what do you think? my intentions for english were to get my masters and maybe PhD and be an english professor. but i hate public speaking. i think i'm much better at writing and getting my point accross than i am in speaking. plus, it's a passion i have always had. i can remember back to when i was 9 years old and writing stories. i have always been fascinated with writing and reading.

someday, i want to write an autobiography. there are things in my life that i'd love to share, things that i have gone through and things that are happening now. things i have overcome, sorrows, joys, pain and hope all my life. i'm not looking to gain any fame, if i do this one day. i just really think it's something i should do. maybe one day. food for thought.

these words came to me earlier as i got to my apartment. obviously, it can be connected to a semester ending. "let's come together now and celebrate the end of an era, the end of a season. the people we pass we may never touch again, but let's celebrate while the time is upon us and connect with the people that have embraced our hearts. and let's celebrate the future and the times and people we have yet to celebrate with" maybe a bit cheesy but it's the way i feel :)

have a wonderful day; i'm going out to enjoy the sun because i parked at a distance :)

buenos tardes!

lines.

photo taken by me in downtown Cookeville.  

I thought I'd share a selection of my favorite writing. hope you enjoy :)

"I wish I was the wind, I'd touch your face" -Ryan Adams (his lyrics are beautiful. true, he does have some language in some of his songs, but so many of his words are beautiful)

"And we are put on earth a little space in time that we may learn to bear the beams of love" -William Blake

"The earth is warmer when you laugh" -Iron and Wine (good, mellow band)

"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune and never stops at all..." -Emily Dickinson

"Life provides more happiness than we know, we have to train ourselves to look for it" -Yiyun Li

"The hills were alive with wildflowers, and I was wild, even wilder than they. For at least I could run, they just died in the sun. And I refused to just wither in place" -Dolly Parton

"Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others" -Mitch Album from Tuesdays with Morrie

++++

also, I'd like to thank everyone for reading and keeping up with blog.  your words of encouragement and other comments brighten my day! 

stuffing popcorn in my face.

• kettle corn that is :) my favorite.  
  
• school will be over this semester in 9 days.
  
• the above statement brings mixed emotions
• i hate public speaking. i've made speeches three times in the last week.

these few lines have been floating in my brain lately:

"like a flower we grow with comfort around us and wilt when that disappears and

we are out of darkness for the time being but night will fall again, so our

eyes will be shut to all that remains."

go sit outside and enjoy the sun.

buenos tardes :)

poem inspired from a song

this picture is of the quad at Tech. it was beautiful, i couldn't resist taking a pic of it yesterday.

this poem was inspired by this song

"Fearless Energy"

You’re creeping in unnoticed,

Like an animal searching for its prey,

Only this time it’s me you’re after.

I am not afraid, I’ve wanted this forever, but

I hid the hope inside of me for so long,

I didn’t even realize I could consider it again.

 

I glide on fearful steps of what may arrive

because of things left undone.

I shut my eyes, fearing what tomorrow could bring and

I glance towards you, timid and afraid.

 

All of the sudden a burst of energy comes my way.

I let myself feel again, and the wind 

carries your thoughts to my own.

I’m letting these thoughts grow with

the comfort around us, I won’t let it wilt

because it hasn’t disappeared.

 

Night did fall, and we were blind

because of our own insecurities.

Now, the dust has been cleaned

from those years.

 

The sunrise brims over

the mountain. Time is now

in sync with us together.

It’s been years, but never has this hope

burned more brightly, nor has it been

burned out of my mind.

I'm back, for now

first of all, let me say, "No me gusta espanol!!"  okay and now let me take that big and rephrase.  i do like spanish, in fact i love spanish, I wish I had more time to learn it, but the fact is, i don't. it is not my major, and i wish i could learn it just for me and not because i have to because it is in my curriculum (which doesn't make a bit of sense to me).  i spend more time trying to learn spanish than in my classes for my major.  and that frustrates me! thus, i have had no life.  this has been the schedule for about the last two weeks: sleep, eat, study, repeat.  exciting, huh?  i wish there was more time to enjoy the days, but soon i'll be out so i can soak it up soon :) and now, a new poem for you. hope you enjoy :)

"Sister"

The tint of our blood runs along the same lines

yet where I see blue, you turn and run a mile.

 

You chase after the reds and greens and leave others behind;

I stay while you run and ask myself, “am I a thorn in your side?”

 

We have different shades, different colors. Perhaps we are now

strangers divided by passing time. I grab the towel

 

and try to wipe the mess away, and go for a new start,

but too many days have gone by and we have forgotten our part.

 

The faded photographs hang on my wall. In those pictures, we will continue

being young. Our colors blended together, the red, green, blue.

 

I see you now and wonder what goes on in your mind,

I will walk; you decide to run. I seek, and you will find.

this is my plan

it is now 2:45 a.m. i just finished my paper for british lit and am now ready for bed.  this is my plan now: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sleep the first one pretty much sums it up :) goodnight dearies :)

wild flowers are my favorite

i had a nice evening tonight.  after quite an eventful week, it was nice to relax with a movie, left over Easter candy :) and some friends, caroline and hillary.  we watched Secret Window.  http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi1945436953/

it was really good, and did not scare me like i thought it might(i get scared way too easily), it's only suspenseful.  

my friends dean and abby and i each took a turn reading from the new Ryan Adams poetry book later on in the evening, which might i add is brilliant and i want to purchase it as soon as i can.  i wanted to share a poem from it but i don't think it's available online, or i couldn't find it.  it's called "Lighthouse."  poetry really excites me, i would probably be a "starving artist" if it weren't for my abundant appetite. :)

i have yet to get started reading the Allen Ginsburg poetry book i bought for 5 dollars about a month ago :( no time...hopefully soon though.  

i don't believe i'm going to post my latest marianne moore imitation, i'm not too satisfied with it, maybe with time, it'll grow on me.

on that note, i'm going to take my pen in hand or maybe spend some more time with Jane, i haven't finished yet.

here's to the end of a goodnight dearies :)

summer fever

hmm...things to look forward to this summer

1. family/and old friends/being home for a little while

2. having time to read what i want :)

3. WARM weather

4. my apartment, friends here

5. the lake...possibly?

6. sundown in the city

7. no school for a little while, just learning what I wish to learn :)

8. a new summer cd (I have made a cd for every summer since i've been in college)

9. dresses

10. sunshine

There are more reasons, those are just a few.  

something i've thought about lately is how sometimes when i'm going through something or having a "season of sorrow," when i come out of it, i have become stronger yes. but something else too.  those glimpses of hope and peace and laughter from friends or just myself that i am able to grasp during those times are so evident and mean so much.  during those times, i always grow and learn something about myself that i might not have had had before.  last summer i took a trip to barbados with my family and brought along one of my best friends, abby.  the people in barbados are extremely laid back; they aren't afraid to come talk to you. this kind of personality the natives had i wasn't familiar with, but they had a "no worries, every little thing is gon' be alright" kind of attitude that was just intoxicating to me.  i wish i could be more like that.  during that season, i was trying to overcome some hard situations in my life.  i had my friends and family, work and school to occupy some of that time.  but i have learned that though times in our lives may be hard and sometimes you think you won't ever be able to survive, "every litle thing will be alright."  i believe we are never given more than we can handle.  some things you can get over, some will always stay with you, but going through these times always makes you stronger in the end. i thought last summer was one of the worst in my life, but now, looking back on it, it was probably the best.  I find myself wishing i could have it back.  but for now, i'm longing for summer 2009.  it's going to be wonderful dearies :)

back in cookeville

drove back to cookeville tonight after a lovely weekend at home for Easter.  i've been wanting to redecorate my room lately...maybe because I spend too much time in there doing homework and it gets old looking at the same ol' thing?  perhaps.  

i found my radiohead poster :) hung it up on my door. the coldplay one went in the downstairs bathroom.  

anyway, i started writing another marianne moore poem imitation tonight...needs some work, but i should have it up here soon.  i actually do like her writing style, it's frustrating at first, but most things are at the beginning.  :) it's grown on me.  

currently, i've been reading Jane Eyre, and yes, for the third time, but not by choice! i've had to read it for class. this is my favorite time reading it.  it's become one of my favorite books, andso  i'll close on that note so i can continue with Jane. goodnight dearies :)

rebel, rebel

found this pic in the archives...

mine and Hayley's "tattoos" from Easter 2008...classy, I know ;) Happy Easter dearies :)

"She"

Hello lovelies, I have a new poem for you :)

"She"

She stumbled into the room

dropping her luggage and

in search of answers.

She only recalled him climbing up the steps

to her heart.

Months passed since that night,

the bandage was put on neatly until--

she looked up and it ripped

across her skin.

The scarlet red was still apparent,

even if he did not know.

He was blind to her,

but as he walked out the door he gave her

a grin.

I watched this transpire;

the shadows replayed

against my mind that night.

I could take a guess at the things unmentioned.

Sipping coffee later,

hr hands were satisfied grasping the mug.

She looked up and smiled

as I passed by.

a couple poems I've recently written

"Searching out of Darkness" 

He sits in the brown, worn chair sipping tea.

It’s always half empty--

the waitress can never refill it, and he

perches where the view is darkness.

 

She walks in the door, greeting strangers.

Spilling the juice handed her, she laughs

she leaves admirers in her shadow

if she knew that,

it would grieve her.

 

He glances at the woman,

a grimace in place

and she catches his eye

no one begs her to smile.

Neither knows what they are capable of.

 

If he could open his eyes,

turn around for a little while

maybe he could see

why the world looks better

out of darkness.

 

She takes careful, yet brave steps

to the door as she leaves

for a place he is a stranger to.

Her friends beckon her on.

 

He remains, mute and

with skin turning down

in a critical stare.

To the onlooker, he cares not to save

yet unknowingly, he tortures.

 

His mind is in a state of unawareness;

hers absorbs all she can take in.

He shuts his eyes, and

she peers in the window, searching.

"Tomorrow"

As soon as this time will transpire, I will race for the door.

I am tired, yet willing and waiting.

My mind is running a mile a minute, “shall I stay or

should I go?”

I’m always asking the same questions, it never changes.

Like a clock, our words have been ticking as time travels by.

 

I try telling myself it will be alright in the end, but

tonight I feel a rush of adrenaline,

only I had done zilch, zero strenuous labor.

This rush is coming from the repeated rhythm of words

in my head that I beckon my mouth to speak.

I beg myself not to say anything though, in fear of the blurred future.

 

I grab onto the door handle and make my exit, trying

to shut all the talk out.  I am a mix of emotions.

Maybe

if I turn the other way, you won’t notice, and so

I take my leave of absence telling myself tomorrow

I will be brave enough to admit all of this to you.

 

Tomorrow has yet to arrive, and I’ve tallied up the days

since we have last talked.  I don’t desire to feel as I do.

It caught me off guard, but I’m sinking into this sense

of feeling as the days pass by.  I count on it now.

Tomorrow I will face you and focus on the words that have

been hiding inside of me for longer than I imagined.