this is my plan

it is now 2:45 a.m. i just finished my paper for british lit and am now ready for bed.  this is my plan now: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sleep the first one pretty much sums it up :) goodnight dearies :)

wild flowers are my favorite

i had a nice evening tonight.  after quite an eventful week, it was nice to relax with a movie, left over Easter candy :) and some friends, caroline and hillary.  we watched Secret Window.  http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi1945436953/

it was really good, and did not scare me like i thought it might(i get scared way too easily), it's only suspenseful.  

my friends dean and abby and i each took a turn reading from the new Ryan Adams poetry book later on in the evening, which might i add is brilliant and i want to purchase it as soon as i can.  i wanted to share a poem from it but i don't think it's available online, or i couldn't find it.  it's called "Lighthouse."  poetry really excites me, i would probably be a "starving artist" if it weren't for my abundant appetite. :)

i have yet to get started reading the Allen Ginsburg poetry book i bought for 5 dollars about a month ago :( no time...hopefully soon though.  

i don't believe i'm going to post my latest marianne moore imitation, i'm not too satisfied with it, maybe with time, it'll grow on me.

on that note, i'm going to take my pen in hand or maybe spend some more time with Jane, i haven't finished yet.

here's to the end of a goodnight dearies :)

summer fever

hmm...things to look forward to this summer

1. family/and old friends/being home for a little while

2. having time to read what i want :)

3. WARM weather

4. my apartment, friends here

5. the lake...possibly?

6. sundown in the city

7. no school for a little while, just learning what I wish to learn :)

8. a new summer cd (I have made a cd for every summer since i've been in college)

9. dresses

10. sunshine

There are more reasons, those are just a few.  

something i've thought about lately is how sometimes when i'm going through something or having a "season of sorrow," when i come out of it, i have become stronger yes. but something else too.  those glimpses of hope and peace and laughter from friends or just myself that i am able to grasp during those times are so evident and mean so much.  during those times, i always grow and learn something about myself that i might not have had had before.  last summer i took a trip to barbados with my family and brought along one of my best friends, abby.  the people in barbados are extremely laid back; they aren't afraid to come talk to you. this kind of personality the natives had i wasn't familiar with, but they had a "no worries, every little thing is gon' be alright" kind of attitude that was just intoxicating to me.  i wish i could be more like that.  during that season, i was trying to overcome some hard situations in my life.  i had my friends and family, work and school to occupy some of that time.  but i have learned that though times in our lives may be hard and sometimes you think you won't ever be able to survive, "every litle thing will be alright."  i believe we are never given more than we can handle.  some things you can get over, some will always stay with you, but going through these times always makes you stronger in the end. i thought last summer was one of the worst in my life, but now, looking back on it, it was probably the best.  I find myself wishing i could have it back.  but for now, i'm longing for summer 2009.  it's going to be wonderful dearies :)

back in cookeville

drove back to cookeville tonight after a lovely weekend at home for Easter.  i've been wanting to redecorate my room lately...maybe because I spend too much time in there doing homework and it gets old looking at the same ol' thing?  perhaps.  

i found my radiohead poster :) hung it up on my door. the coldplay one went in the downstairs bathroom.  

anyway, i started writing another marianne moore poem imitation tonight...needs some work, but i should have it up here soon.  i actually do like her writing style, it's frustrating at first, but most things are at the beginning.  :) it's grown on me.  

currently, i've been reading Jane Eyre, and yes, for the third time, but not by choice! i've had to read it for class. this is my favorite time reading it.  it's become one of my favorite books, andso  i'll close on that note so i can continue with Jane. goodnight dearies :)

rebel, rebel

found this pic in the archives...

mine and Hayley's "tattoos" from Easter 2008...classy, I know ;) Happy Easter dearies :)

"She"

Hello lovelies, I have a new poem for you :)

"She"

She stumbled into the room

dropping her luggage and

in search of answers.

She only recalled him climbing up the steps

to her heart.

Months passed since that night,

the bandage was put on neatly until--

she looked up and it ripped

across her skin.

The scarlet red was still apparent,

even if he did not know.

He was blind to her,

but as he walked out the door he gave her

a grin.

I watched this transpire;

the shadows replayed

against my mind that night.

I could take a guess at the things unmentioned.

Sipping coffee later,

hr hands were satisfied grasping the mug.

She looked up and smiled

as I passed by.

a couple poems I've recently written

"Searching out of Darkness" 

He sits in the brown, worn chair sipping tea.

It’s always half empty--

the waitress can never refill it, and he

perches where the view is darkness.

 

She walks in the door, greeting strangers.

Spilling the juice handed her, she laughs

she leaves admirers in her shadow

if she knew that,

it would grieve her.

 

He glances at the woman,

a grimace in place

and she catches his eye

no one begs her to smile.

Neither knows what they are capable of.

 

If he could open his eyes,

turn around for a little while

maybe he could see

why the world looks better

out of darkness.

 

She takes careful, yet brave steps

to the door as she leaves

for a place he is a stranger to.

Her friends beckon her on.

 

He remains, mute and

with skin turning down

in a critical stare.

To the onlooker, he cares not to save

yet unknowingly, he tortures.

 

His mind is in a state of unawareness;

hers absorbs all she can take in.

He shuts his eyes, and

she peers in the window, searching.

"Tomorrow"

As soon as this time will transpire, I will race for the door.

I am tired, yet willing and waiting.

My mind is running a mile a minute, “shall I stay or

should I go?”

I’m always asking the same questions, it never changes.

Like a clock, our words have been ticking as time travels by.

 

I try telling myself it will be alright in the end, but

tonight I feel a rush of adrenaline,

only I had done zilch, zero strenuous labor.

This rush is coming from the repeated rhythm of words

in my head that I beckon my mouth to speak.

I beg myself not to say anything though, in fear of the blurred future.

 

I grab onto the door handle and make my exit, trying

to shut all the talk out.  I am a mix of emotions.

Maybe

if I turn the other way, you won’t notice, and so

I take my leave of absence telling myself tomorrow

I will be brave enough to admit all of this to you.

 

Tomorrow has yet to arrive, and I’ve tallied up the days

since we have last talked.  I don’t desire to feel as I do.

It caught me off guard, but I’m sinking into this sense

of feeling as the days pass by.  I count on it now.

Tomorrow I will face you and focus on the words that have

been hiding inside of me for longer than I imagined.