a song and a story

"A Short Short Story Perhaps"

You took my heart in your hand on that day that screamed to be spring but was still whispering winter. I wrote a poem about us in class thinking I'd show you later that day.  Instead, I left a note on your car wishing you to have a great day.  Perhaps I should've told you then, I guess it's too bad I didn't, or maybe too good. I can't decide. I'm somewhat in the same predicament at the moment, but now the heat is swelling from the ground and the days are never ending until I see you again. Maybe I should find that poem I wrote ages ago when all this was still fresh and post that on your car this time. I wonder what you'd say and the reaction you'd give. Would you walk away or do what I see only in my dreams with your arms? Open them as I step in to the embrace I have hidden in my thoughts for ages. I never thought it would come to this, but I suppose it was now or never. I walk up to your porch now, and before I knock, I turn to see the last days of summer wave goodbye into another season and I walk in your door not looking back.

++++++++++++++++++++++

on a side note, i love this song and thought i'd share it with you today :)

king rat by modest mouse

buenos dias mis amigos

time in a bottle

all summer that i've been in cookeville, i've found myself driving through campus, downtown and other destinations that i have occupied through the past three years. i try to form all of the memories i have of these places in a nice, neat little package all together, but it's impossible. there are simply too many memories that rush back to me. i have learned some hard lessons, i have grown into someone more independent, yet i'm still growing. i believe that never has to end, the learning part at least. i have gone from being somewhat of a loner to meeting some of my best friends. i love them all to pieces. i have laughed, cried, been afraid and been deliriously happy. 

it's been one of the best experiences of my life so far, if not the best.

buenos noches!! :)

i hate math

i was reading about the Most Lucrative Degrees online today, and nowhere in that article does English come up.  it's all about math. i hate math. i have never been good at it. and then on the other hand, i start to hope that maybe one day i will write a bestselling novel and then i won't have to worry about having a lucrative job, but what if that never happens? maybe i should start designing a nice cardboard box and finding an okay place to put it. i'll have my books and pen and paper with me, so why not? my mind just doesn't work very well mathematically...

"side by side"

a very very short story I wrote inspired by the song "Never say Never" by the Fray 

hope you enjoy :)

"Side by Side"

I always thought I was like a bland character in your favorite novel, but on that winter day, I remember I used my polaroid.  I only used my polaroid on rare occasions, and you, my dear, were a rare occasion.  Somehow, I believed I opened a door to your heart on that day.  I stepped in, you saw me, and I became the main character in your life.  I had that photo of you and me framed where I could see it when I opened my eyes in the morning and closed them at night.  In the past we would go without talking for months at a time, but things always remained as they were when we picked up where we left off.  We held that smile when things were crumbling around us, and I begged you to just talk to me.  You were always there, holding tightly to the bond we shared through the years.  You couldn't ever say never, even though maybe at times we should have.  

Years later, in our separate lives, I think of you and wonder who you are now.  I always knew you'd be there in those times.  I imagine you in your new life, and I hope you're happy.  The photo in the frame is tucked away in a drawer, and on occasion, I'll slip it out when no one is looking and smile at who we were back then.  Just two beings, in the present, never thinking about the future; refusing to.  Being side by side, all we wanted was right beside us in that moment. 

lion's mane

Iron and Wine "Lion's Mane"

this song is great. my 2 favorite lines in it are:

"the earth is warmer when you laugh"

and

"love is the best sensation waiting in the lion's mane."

but all of it is superb so you should

listen and enjoy :)

buenos noches

p.s. i really miss my family...i love you all so much

a select few

here are a select few poems i've written over the past few years. some of the feelings i had in the poems have completely changed, some are exactly the same.

enjoy :)

7-26-06

You fade in and out when you reach for

air. Fingers tremble at an

unfamiliar pace where I cannot

remember. Discarding days like a fool, what

pray tell will we do? A heart's 

remembrance may not be enough, but it's all

I can recall. A new tide has

turned, memories are my ever present stain.

It's blasphemy to say I will

forget.

1/14/06

Frozen in time

Now melting and stepping forward

Thoughts dance in my head

I tell them to stop, as melodies spring forth and

carry me away.

11/22/05

There's no shame in curiosity, and 

no end to destinations. So how

must I settle in this place? There are

precautions to take, but

unthinkable choices at the last moment. Escaping

this massacre is laughable when there's

no where to hide.

Constant question marks are left upon 

my face. I will not know the answer until the

morrow, but I pray 'tis alright.

hold your head up high

just a song by oasis and poem i wrote.  hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Hold up

Hold on

Don't be scared,

You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile, (may your smile)

Shine on, (shine on)

Don't be scared, (don't be scared)

Your destiny may keep you warm,

'Cause all of the stars,

Have faded away

Just try not to worry,

You'll see them someday,

Take what you need, 

And be on your way and 

Stop crying your heart out

Get up, (get up)

Come on, (come on)

Why you scared? (I'm not scared)

You'll never change what's been and gone

'Cause all of the stars,

Have faded away

Just try not to worry,

You'll see them some day,

Take what you need, 

And be on your way and 

Stop crying your heart out

'Cause all of the stars,

Have faded away 

Just try not to worry,

You'll see them someday.

Just take what you need,

And be on your way and

Stop crying your heart out

We're all of the stars,

We're fading away.

Just try not to worry,

You'll see us someday.

Just take what you need, 

And be on your way and 

Stop crying your heart out...

-Oasis "stop crying your heart out"

and

Revolving Circles

What a revolving circle

as you sit and stare

while others go by.

Grasping onto the past and

what could've been, yet

cemented into reality as it is now.

I stand and ponder on 

the thoughts that go on

in your mind, and

I weep inside for you.

If only you could see

what to me you mean.

I close my eyes and beg God 

to show you.

another late night ranting

i've mentioned my addiction to diet coke, but i don't believe i've explained it fully.

i know it's silly, it's just a drink i like, but honestly, if i go a day without it, i'm crazy.  i crave it, and yes, you can say i'm an addict for diet coke :) 

case in point: i haven't had a diet coke in about a day.  it's 2 a.m. i should've gone to bed awhile ago, but being me, i tend to sneak in a few more minutes (or hours) more than i should with my nose in a book. and all the sudden, i start thinking about the cold silver can waiting for me downstairs in the fridge. i've patiently waited for the right opportunity to open it since it's my last can, and today didn't seem like the right time. but for some reason at 2 a.m. i find myself getting up from bed to be downstairs sipping on my diet coke.

this is bad.

i put it back, i'll save it for tomorrow.

unfortunately, at this very moment, i'm having to beg myself not to just give in and go downstairs to claim all of it.

i'll look forward to the morning when i can finally take the sweet sips i'm wishing i could take now. :)

hehe

goodnight :)

p.s. here's a song and band that i've recently begun listening to. i really like them, this song is good and the lead singer/guitarist isn't too sore on the eyes either ;)

Great Lake Swimmers- "Your Rocky Spine"

i'm a time traveler

inspired by the book The Time Traveler

often i feel i'm a time traveler.

i disappear into one world and grow into another.

i'm like two bodies submerged into one.

i have one name with opposite meanings depending on the day.

on occasion, i believe i've found someone to travel with,

and then i'll turn my head and they'll be replaced. 

as i climb up the mountains, i set my feet on the ground;

as i venture onto the plateau, i set my mind to a different tune

and begin to fly.

these roads can lead to unexpected turns, 

i may be frozen but still marching forward to 

unexpected lands, and

when i see you, my lips 

sting with the words that have been traveling with 

me through all time.

possession

"What is it?  My dear?"

"Ah, how can we bear it?"

"Bear what?"

"This.  For so short a time.  How can we sleep this time away?"

"We can be quiet together, and pretend-since it is only the beginning-that we have all the time in the world."

"And every day we shall have less. And then none."

"Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?"

"No. This is where I've always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."

-A.S. Byatt, Possession

i love these lines. they say so much without having to say much at all.

happy 4th of july

lost

this song has been on repeat in my car pretty much this whole week.

Lost! by Coldplay

my favorite lyric is 

"You might be a big fish In a little pond Doesn't mean you've won 'Cause a long may come A bigger one"

i have run into people like this a lot lately, and i'm not trying to be mean, but i wish i could point this line out to some of them.

after i got off work yesterday, i met my good friend rachel at Thomas Andrew's for dinner, i hadn't seen her since may when school got out so it was so good to see her.  we then preceded to meet abby and other friends rachel and erica to see My Sister's Keeper.  it was good, bring some tissues if you go see it though.  we ended up at my apartment at the end of the night before she had to leave.  here are some moments we captured on camera. :)

i just had to share

one of the greatest songs and lyrics.

buenos noches

blue skies mostly

right now i'm at work and at this moment this is what i would like more than anything: to be sitting on the edge of the pool i go to in morristown with a nice cold diet coke with lots of ice and to be reading my awesome book, The Time Traveler's Wife.  soak up some sun for me while i have to be indoors for much of the day :)

and if you can't tell from this post...

i miss home and my family...

buenos tardes :)

laughter is the best medicine

one of the things i love most is hearing the sound of laughter.  not the quiet chuckle, but the loud, boisterous laughter that goes along with feeling free.  when i hear this from the people i love, my heart rejoices.

you always remain

i stand corrected from one of my previous posts- "favorites".

i do have a favorite band, and i'm not ashamed to say they are my favorite above all because they are just that good.

Radiohead.

they have influenced me so much, and they have been with me through the past 7 years.  going through many changes, they always have stood beside me with a song i could connect with in any stage so far.  

++++++

"you always remain" by: me :)

traveling through the mazes of time, i 

appear as you

fade into the background.

searching amongst the clouds for

fear the sun will

prove a different story.

i make my own

path and leave the

antiques that were precious to

us behind with the

memories i 

bury under my bed.

here today, gone

tomorrow.

i rack my brain and attempt to

fill my shelves with new items, but

you always remain.

mute, maybe. stone still, perhaps.

i doubt there's any turning back at this point,

we will always be facing the coming years with questions.

is it possible to hold steady while

the world crumbles around us?  

my mind is a blank sheet

just waiting for the answers.

i search behind the clouds again and will

myself to gaze into the sun promising to 

be with you in the 

past, present and future, even if 

i'm standing alone.

"are you still growing?"

while at work today, we were all outside and i was sitting on one of the picnic tables along with a couple little girls, about the age of seven.  one of them kept asking me questions, and i patiently answered them.  well, she knows i'm older and one of the instructors, but she looked at me and in all seriousness asked me

"are you still growing?"

normally i think this would offend me, but i busted out laughing.  since day 1 at that job, the little kids have commented on my size.  i'm barely 5'1" and petite.  many of them make me feel like a shrimp, being taller than me.  i just thought it was so funny and adorable.  

i went to the new food lion grocery store today, and i have to admit i got a bit excited when i went inside.  it's so nice.  does that make me weird that that got me excited?  hmm...little things often do for me anyway.

please continue to keep the lemings and sextons in your prayers.  i believe i forgot to mention that my friend's brother and my friend's mom's (the one that passed away) son was on American Idol season 7-Josiah Leming

do any of you recognize him?  that is my friend andy's brother.  crazy, huh?  anyhow, just keep them in your thoughts please.  i think one of the worst things is seeing people you care about go through something difficult, especially in this case.  it really breaks my heart.

i've been reading The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger and it is soo good.  i highly recommend it.

well, i guess i'll say my goodbyes for now.

buenos noches

there are many things that i'd like to say to you, but i don't know how

favorites

it's so hard for me to pick out a favorite for anything because to me, "favorite" not only means best, but it means final answer.  i have many favoriteS, but i don't like secluding the others and saying one thing is my favorite or the best.  see what i mean?  for example, i have favorite books, favorite songs, favorite places, etc.  i guess you could call me indecisive when it comes down to it.  

anyway,  

i wanted to name a few of my favorites for y'all:

favorite books: The Catcher in the Rye and To Kill a Mockingbird

favorite songs: True Love Waits by Radiohead and Shiver by Coldplay and i have too many to name on this one topic...

favorite bands: Radiohead, Coldplay, Ryan Adams, Smashing Pumpkins, The Verve and again too many, i can't pick just one, this is so hard

favorite sunglasses: aviators 

favorite times of day: afternoon and after the sun goes down before darkness overtakes night

favorite places: the back porch at my parent's house, the public library, the beach, the mountains

favorite thing to say to people i care about: i love you

what are some of your favorites?  can you name just one?

buenos tardes

i love you mama!

today has been very emotional.  my friend's mom's funeral was tonight.  it was nice, but very sad;  i just hate seeing people i care about suffer, especially like this, and it's difficult to see him and his family go through what they have to deal with.  however, it's a blessing to know that she is at peace now.  we will miss you mrs. sharon leming.  

on the subject of mothers, my mom's birthday is today.  happy birthday mama, i love you so much!  you are one of my heroes, you're beautiful, loyal, caring, loving, patient.  you've shown me what it means to be strong, and i hope i can be half the person you are. 

buenos noches my dears :)

on my heart

ever since i listened to "stay" by little big town, thanks to nicole, :) i haven't been able to get enough of them.  another song i especially love by them is "Bring It On Home"

you can listen to it here

and the lyrics are awesome, it seems like it's meant for a lover, but to me, i think it can be for friends too.  makes me grateful for the people in my life that i can depend on and that i can "bring it on home" to

p.s. please continue to keep the lemings and sextons in your thoughts and prayers

You got someone here wants to make it alright
Someone who loves you more than life right here
You got willing arms that'll hold you tight
A hand to lead you on through the night right here
I know your heart can get all tangled up inside
But don't you keep it to yourself

[Chorus:]
When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me

You know I know you like the back of my hand
But did you know I'm gonna do all that I can right here
I'm gonna lie with you till you fall asleep
When the morning comes I'm still gonna be right here (yes I am)
So take your worries and just drop them at the door
Baby leave it all behind

[Chorus]

Baby let me be your safe harbor
Don't let the water come and carry you away

[Chorus]

You got someone here wants to make it alright
Someone who loves you more than life right here 

hm

i'm sorry i've been so absent from the blog world lately.  i got some pretty upsetting news tonight.  one of my dearest friend's mother passed away this afternoon.  she'd had a long battle with cancer, so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.  you can find her blog here:

sharon

for now, i'm pretty speechless.  i just keep thinking about how his mom and my dad are in heaven now.  

i love you Lemings and Sextons.

buenos noches

way too excited

OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH

I'MSOOOOOOEXCITEDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can you tell?

guess where i'm going tomorrow?  i'll give ya a guess, it's in Nashville and it has to do with music...yup, the CMA Music Festival!!!  i can't wait.  i'm going with my friend liz and her parents, she's the friend i went to the beach with over spring break.  she told me they got 4 tickets for free, isn't that awesome?  there was a big gap in my life where i didn't listen to country music, but when i was younger i did all the time and just this year, i've really gotten into it more.  i mean come on, i have to like it.  i have lived in mississippi, alabama and tennessee!  a few of the country music stars i'll see tomorrow are miranda lambert, montgomery gentry, taylor swift, kenny chesney plus more.  i'm sure i'll have lots of stories to tell between now and then :)  have a great day and i love you all woohoo!!!!! :)

lalala

i've had a good week so far.

been with friends pretty much every night

kids fill up my afternoons, and i'm really enjoying it for the most part.  i always look forward to seeing them and having them talk to me.  there's always a new story to tell :)  some of the little girls are so sweet.  they run up to me and give me hugs when they see me.  they'll say  things like "i want miss ivy to sit by me.."  i am looking forward to the weekend though.  it's been a long week.

buenos noches  

i guess i'm part country too

yesterday was a whirl-wind of a day.  i have to sit back and sigh at everything that happened.  not only did it involve work, but it included the emergency room as well.  let me start at the beginning.  when i got to work, i was escorted to where the 1st grade girls were playing outside and told i would be with them unless otherwise noticed.  for about the first hour while being with them, my hand was held, i was smiled back at, told i was pretty, told i had pretty hair, hugged and so on.  what girl doesn't like that?  i was eating it up, i have to admit.  

unfortunately, the rest of my day wasn't spent with them.  but that's okay.  i was moved to a room with 4th-6th grade girls.  they were nice, just different, and if you have been around this age group, you know what i'm talking about.  nevertheless, my first day was great.  the atmosphere is very laid back.  they spend a high majority of the day outside, and while inside, their day consists of games, computers, listening to music and eating lunch.  at the end of the day, it seemed as if the 8 hours i was there went by much faster than what i had assumed it would.  

i left my cell phone in my car, and when i checked it after i got off work, i had several missed calls and a voicemail from my roommate and best friend, abby.  i checked the message, and after hearing it, i immediately called her back, then i tried calling her mom, finally i got ahold of her boyfriend.  in her message, she informed me that she had just left the infirmary (our college's dr.'s office) and was on her way to the emergency room.  she had tested positive for mono.  i had spoken with her the previous day, and she told me she hadn't felt well all weekend, but no one assumed it would be that.  after i talked to her boyfriend, i rushed to the e.r. where a couple of her friends were already gathered.  her mom was on her way (it's a 2.5 hour drive from morristown to cookeville).  we took turns going in to see her, and i drove her back here to our apartment where her mom met us when she arrived.  

at the present moment, i am sitting alone in my apartment.  abby just left about an hour ago with her mom for home to get rest.  the doctors said really there's nothing you can do when you have mono, all you can do is rest and take tylenol.  no activity or sunlight is encouraged.  i hope she feels better.  i'm a little sad for having to live alone for awhile, but things happen and life hardly ever results the way you had things planned, so i'm not too worried about it.  i just hope she gets to feeling well soon.  :)

i go to work at 3, so i have a little while before i have to leave.  there's no telling what kind of adventures this day will hold.  one funny thing i have to share: i was sitting with a few of the 1st grade girls outside yesterday, and they were talking about where they came from, etc.  many of them said "i'm part irish," part ....", etc well, one of the girls turned to me and said as clear as day, "i'm part irish and part country."  hahahahaha i had to turn my face and hold my laughter in.  that is something i will never forget.  i guess i'm kinda part country too now that i think about it. haha wow i just can't get over that.  kids say the darnest things, haha

hope everyone has a great day

buenos dias mis amigos

kids

new job:

i probably couldn't have asked for a better first day, and i have a feeling that it's just going to get better.  yayyyy :)  i have a few stories to share about the experience.  more details later i promise, i am quite exhausted.

buenos noches mis amigos :)

(link to pic at top)

love always remains

okay it's confession time:

i've been thinking about love...a lot lately.

i fear it yet i long for it, as most everything goes for me.  it's interesting to me how we as humans put ourselves out on a limb for it.  sometimes, we reach so far that we fall, but we just settle back in and reach for the same thing.  other times, we reach and get a grasp, never having to let go.  whatever the circumstance, we crave this mysterious thing that brings us together, and makes this world go round.  i'm pretty satisfied with who i am and where i am right now, but i look forward to one day telling someone that i love him :)

tryingtocontainmyself

at this very moment that i'm writing this i can barely contain my excitement because...

I

GOT

THE

JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm so so so so so excited, i'm so happy!

i'm not even gonna lie,

as soon as i walked in my door again, i did a little scream of joy hehe

i'm gonna be working with children pre-k up to 6th grade (they haven't assigned me what group yet) but now that i think about it...6th grade? hm..some of them may be taller than me hehehe

it's an after school program that continues in the summer.  the lady that hired me even said that i could probably work out a schedule to work in the fall during the school year.  so, i think they liked me :)  after that, i had to go get my finger printed for a background check.  now i'm just waiting on monday to get here.  i start at ten on that day.  

you see, i'm very excited to have this opportunity because as some of you may have guessed, it's hard for me to get just any job because of my limitations and paralysis in my right arm.  i told them i have worked with kids since i was about twelve such as working in vacation bible school, babysitting and i informed them a bit about the possibility of me starting to volunteer for the Mustard Seed Ranch.  i assumed i'd have to explain what that was, but they immediately recognized the name and knew the owners, etc.  it's kinda crazy how it has all worked out so fastly, and it's somewhat connected.

anyway, enough of that.

i was listening to Lydia on the way to the interview.  it's beautiful music, very mellow, indie-ish but after that interview, it was NOT time to be mellow.  i quickly took that out, and inserted Radiohead-the bends  

song of the day so far is "the bends"

enjoy and buenos tardes :)

please read the letter that I wrote

have you ever felt like nothing ever happens the way you plan them out to happen?  i try not to get too frazzled when this happens, but it's far too easy to do.

anyway

thank you all for the continuous positive feedback, it really makes my day.

i think i ate too many garden salsa sun chips tonight :/

i hope it doesn't result too badly...

abby and i visited The Mustard Seed Ranch tonight rather than next thursday and it was so cool...

there were 5 kids we babysat, all but two had been neglected or abused in some way; it's really sad.  however, this special place gives them an opportunity to try and live a different life than what they previously had with loving live in parents.  it's such a cool thing, and i look forward to learning more about it.  the kids are so loving, one of the little girls (she's four) colored me a picture tonight and she wanted me to write on it "best buddies."  it just made my day, it was so precious. 

i've been listening to Raising Sand by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss.  it's so heartbreakingly beautiful.  i love it when i can connect with a song and there are a few songs on that album that do so for me.

gone, gone, gone (done moved on)

let your loss be your lesson

please read the letter

all the other songs are just as awesome, but these have really stuck out to me tonight. 

i just want to say again that

i'm so glad i have this blog.  it has created for me very nice, positive people (not that i don't have that already, but ya know), positive feedback,  it's somewhat of an escape (it's like a whole other world and that's really cool to me), and it encourages me to keep writing, so thank you all for everything :)

buenos noches mis amigos

i woke up and it was summer

another great, sunny day! :)

abby and i laid out in the sun for a couple hours today

at 3:40 we sped off to sonic 

this morning, one of the ladies in charge of hiring at my *possible* new job called and i have an interview friday 

at 9 am 

yay :)

hmm....

being in cookeville for the summer is such a different environment for me than what my usual summers consist of.  usually it's being in morristown surrounded by family.  it's not better or worse, just...strange and different, yet still exciting.  know what i mean?

it's something to get used to.

something really cool i might start helping out with in cookeville is this:

Mustard Seed Ranch

last night abby (my roommate) and i went to visit a couple friends and they told us about this place.  they have been helping out with it for about 2 months now, and i found it to be a really cool thing and a good opportunity.  we're going to check it out next thursday to see if we would be more interested in helping out with it.

with all the strange and different things i have mentioned and even more unmentioned, 

i have a feeling this summer might be something to get used to,

not necessarily a bad thing :)

stress level=trying to keep it at bay...

every single day, i like to put on music that fits my mood.

is that just me or does everyone do that?

what i've been listening to today:

coldplay-"in my place" 

i love the last part when it seems like he is begging to be heard "please please please..."

it's a beautiful song.

i have a new obsession: cherry vanilla dr. pepper from sonic at happy hour, now isn't that just fabulous to add to my addiction with diet coke?  i think not, but...it could be worse :)

today has been business, business, business. bleh, no fun at all:

my air conditioning decided to stop working again on one of the hottest days of the summer, finally got that fixed today

had to go to the board of education office to get a background check for my job next week

turns out, i have to have another interview before i can get the job-

something i had no idea about!  

thus, i technically don't have the job YET, but

 please please please 

keep me in your thoughts and prayers, i really need this.  

after i left that office today, i felt a load of stress and anxiety blanket itself on my shoulders, all nice and snug, only the feeling is very uncomfortable.

i headed in the direction of wal-mart for dish detergent (another non-fun adult activity to add to my list today) and as i got out of the car, i berated myself.

i REFUSE to stress. everything that happens is ultimately out of my hands.

i CANNOT foresee the future, all i can do is hope and pray.

my life is GOOD, and everything will fall into place as it should, even if i don't get that job or if things don't turn out the way i expect them to.

i have little control, therefore the best i can do is live my life and try to be the best person i can be. 

buenos tardes mis amigos! i love you all :)

today

i came back home for the weekend yesterday, am leaving again tomorrow.  it's been good to see my family, and it's been a beautiful day :)  i've been reading My Antonia and so far i looove it.  i love these few lines at the end of chapter 2:

"I was entirely happy.  Perhaps we feel like that when we die and become a part of something entire, whether it is sun and air, or goodness and knowledge.  At any rate, that is happiness; to be dissolved into something complete and great.  When it comes to one, it comes as naturally as sleep."

buenos tardes mis amigos!

on my mind.

i'm sitting in my apartment, it's late and i have someone weighing heavy on my mind:

my daddy.

i don't mean to make this a sad post, but i fear it may be, so bear with me.  i don't wish to say a lot at the present moment about him.  i just wanted to share something i wrote a long time ago in memory of him. it's very short, yet very heartfelt.  i'm so happy for the the memories i have, and i cherish the years i knew him on earth. 

written October 2004

Faint clouds overhead   

That leave the tears to form on my face.

Glance out as the rain fades away

And grasp onto life as it is for now.

If I would've known, I'd have begged for longer,

But time slipped through our fingers.

If only we could turn back time,

But the past is gone,

Only sweet memories abide.

So many centuries gone by,

Not a one passed without

A thought of you...

bookworm.

i am a bookworm, and i'm not ashamed to say it :)

i had a lovely reunion with one of my best friends, tisha, today

we window shopped, drove to sonic at "happy hour" and both got a large cherry vanilla dr. pepper. it's so yummy.

a little while after that, i ventured on over to one of my favorite places:

the public library.

now, let me say, i have been going to the library since i can remember.

i recall walking with my kindergarden class to the library in Columbus, Mississippi, and Mother Goose read to us :)

perhaps that's where my love for books began

or maybe with my mother's encouragement for me to read. she used to read to me every night before i went to bed which is a tradition i wish to carry on to my children.

either way, i love the way words can be formed together so beautifully on a page.

i can't even explain it.

back to today:

i went to the library, and i have to admit i have slacked off on my reading a lot since school has been out, something i don't like to admit, but it happens occasionally. 

i got 4 books:

My Antonia by Willa Cather (a classic novel)

Native Guard by Natasha Tretheway (a book of poems)

Atonement by Ian McEwan (a novel...the movie was GREAT, so wanted to read the book)

Flat Belly Diet by Liz Vaccariello (i've heard people talk about this book, so i was curious about it)

if you have any suggestions for further reading that would be wonderful; i'm always looking for more good books to read :)

buenos tardes!

 

warning: long post

yesterday was a world wind of a day.

let me start out by saying that i woke up and went about my day at a leisurely pace. rosie and i had fun with my photo booth on my macbook (as you can see from the previous post), went to lay out at the pool with my mom, ran into some old friends from elementary school there, came home after the clouds decided to come in for a visit, and was settled on the couch watching some t.v. when i got a call from the career center in cookeville.

what is the career center?

it's a place that helps people find jobs, you can go there for other things too, but that was my reason for going.

i had my doubts about this place, especially because there were so many applicants, so when the voice on the other end of the line told me i had been accepted for a job, i was speechless.  she told me i had to come in for orientation tomorrow (yesterday) at 8:30 a.m. i thanked her, got off the phone and as i was running up the steps to tell my mom,

my head was spinning.

just 5 minutes earlier, i had no job, was completely relaxed on the couch, didn't know when i'd be back in cookeville and was peeling my burnt shoulders. how could this be possible?

i was excited, but let me tell you, i don't adapt to change very well, and when i realized i'd need to go back to cookeville that very day, i was running in circles (not literally) because i had no time to think about it before it was a plan.

maybe i need to shake up some things sometime so i don't freak out all the time, huh?

i do like being spontaneous, so i don't understand why this had me stressed out.

after i packed my bags, i crammed them in my car, put on my bright red sunglasses and drove out of my driveway. 

on the 2.5 hour drive, i had a lot of thoughts going on in my mind.

one of them is that old saying that goes something like "you don't know what you have until it's gone."

i think i do a pretty good job at appreciating the here and now, but i want to put it into practice even more.

take this job for example. i'm gonna be working with children at a summer day camp. it only last for 6 weeks, so after that, my job will be up. my first reaction to this was panic. i really need a stable job that doesn't have an end until i need it to end! but after i took a deep breath, i realized that if not for that call yesterday, i would still be searching, still be sitting on the couch not knowing what i had on my plate.  and who knows? i might not have had the opportunity to work even less than 6 weeks.

so i wanna be glad for that today.

 i wanna appreciate my friends and family more. nothing is forever, i had to learn that at a very young age. but there is something that can be forever:

 love.

i wanna keep that in mind and love people for who they are and appreciate them in the present. i never wanna look back and say "i didn't know what i had until it was gone"

 je taime :)

photo shoot

photo shoot on a rainy summer day, rosie and i had fun doing these

here comes the bride

i've been speechless the past few days, as you can tell from my lack of postings.

one thing i do want to say today though is

Happy 47th Anniversary Mimi and Grandy! (my grandparents)

I love you both so much :)

a late night ranting

i just want to say i freakin' loooove this band i was introduced to tonight:

Lydia

if you haven't heard of them, stop what you are doing now, look them up and soak into the beautiful music they make.  they are amazing.  mine and my sister hayley's friend millicent introduced me to them tonight.  thank you mill :)

new poem, or you could just call it

"a late night ranting"

the photographs strewn on the floor and the music in my ear

try to creep in my heart but I freeze and hold my breath until it subsides.

the lamp flickers on and off as I pick up where I left off,

I make a note to search for a new bulb, this one has burned all it’s brightness out.

Always is an adjective that frightens me because nothing is ever constant on earth,

so I’ll leave for a new destination. I make promises to myself I can’t keep, but

I'll take this one day at a time. Perhaps one more day, 

and I’ll say always to something I believe in.

radiohead...can't get enough

vintage

to add to that ebay post, i also listed a vintage dress on etsy

if you are interested, my username is again ivymorgan2009 and it is under prairie looking dress

:)

ebay

i'm selling 3 items on ebay as of now.

i'm not sure if any of you would be interested in them, but

they are

a vinyl record of Lettermen

awesome green boots size 7 1/2 and

a book about the Upper Cumberlands of Tennessee. (very interesting if you're interested in learning more about that area)

feel free to check them out...

i'm kinda new to this ebay thing,

my username is ivymorgan2009

buenos tardes mis amigos

iron&wine

been catching up on my favorite blogs...

many of them have been talking about memories

so i want to share a memory.

going to the beach with my family one summer in high school

and listening to iron & wine a good part of the time...

and sitting on the beach with a book in my hand and absorbing what the sand and ocean felt like...

and wearing a big straw hat that was in high fashion then...

and going to bed with sand under the covers...

and feeling the burn on my shoulders...

and talking to my boyfriend back then and telling him how i miss him...

and going to bed with the sheet over my eyes 'cause the t.v. was on...

and listening, learning, watching, feeling...

what i felt back then...

i saw 17 again tonight and it was so good and zac efron is smokin' hawt.  so go see it, even only to see him in it haha...but one of the things mentioned in the movie was how when you're in high school and that age when something bad happens, you think it's the end of the world. you have so much sorrow, you feel so much pain, but really it's not the end of the world.

i remember feeling this way so much.

my mom would tell me that everything would be alright and that it indeed wasn't the end of the world.

i went about my business, still in sorrow and eventually getting over whatever was bothering me.

but i think all of us have to go through trials, even after high school, and for the rest of our lives to truly feel happiness when it happens.

buenos noches my dears.

a couple oldies :)

*NOTE: some of my poems use the word "I" in them. yes, some of them come from personal experience but just as many are from an outsider's point of view. I use first person a lot because I believe it's easier to connect with, and that is how I want my readers to feel. :)

written March 4^th 2008

 

Inside this chiseled heart is 

where you rest.

I run away, but 

you’re still abiding there.

At the sound of your voice, all 

worry fades away.

It’s replaced with a hope that 

someday everything will come back.

"Obsession"

written fall 2007

 I know it sounds pitiful, but I drove by his house tonight.  I wanted to get out but feared what could’ve happened.  I drove off only to end back where I came from.  This time I did get out of the car.  It was late at night; I knew he had just walked in the door so I was hoping he’d still be up.  I slowly eased my way out of the car and took careful steps to his backdoor.  The automatic light switched on which surprised me; there was not even a whisper to be heard.  As I reached the door, I tugged on the handle.  Locked.  I didn’t think it would be locked, I thought to myself, but of course he would have locked it behind him so late at night. 

I turned around and somehow got back in my car feeling rejected by the locked door.  In my dream I had walked up to the door, pushed it open, and then found him waiting for me.  At that point we would have looked into each other’s eyes, and he would have slowly walked towards me.  Taking my cheek in his hand, he would have moved his lips toward mine. 

 I drove away berating myself while the reality of the situation took hold.

last night

"last night"

last night I was spinning backwards and I usually don’t get

dizzy

but it’s been awhile for me. stepping into that zone of

existence

was bewildering. I was staring at something strangely familiar, a

ghost.

I smiled at it, but inside I knew it was just a haunting of

what was.

I sat and talked with it, in my mind I was running in the opposite

direction.

I felt a bit sick, but smiled anyway to cover the mass of

questions I didn’t want answered. Put a quarter in that jukebox and

play

my favorite song, but it played something from days gone by and

I must

clean the dust to remember. I ran for the door, hoping my head would

clear.

I hopped in the car, ignited my engine and sped off, leaving it all

behind.

The apparition didn’t chase me, like I assumed it might so I

embraced

my thoughts once again, looked forward and awoke from that strange

dream.

red fingertips

rosie and i went to pick strawberries today, and ohmygoodness

they are soooooooo

GOOD.

so good that

i never want another store bought strawberry again.

i was on my hands and knees picking them, and my legs and fingertips became tainted with red. but that's okay, i don't mind getting a little dirty every now and then.

i think we may go back friday; 

i'm hoping to get some pictures then.

hayley and i went to the park and swung/talked, then drove around on some back roads.

it's been a good day to say the least.

i lovelovelove spending time with my sisters.

they mean the world to me as i'm sure you can probably tell because

i talk about them all the time :)

anyway

before i go, i have

new poem for y'all

buenos noches amigos

"Routine"

Talking until the sun wears you out and

Shutting the blinds to rest for the next day

Crying your eyes out because you want to understand but

Only shedding a tear on the inside because you’ve said too much

Looking at your reflection and wanting to see someone special

And hoping you’re enough

Listening to that song on repeat that reminds you of that time

You thought this was the beginning of something

Watching that movie that made you open your eyes to the obvious

And becoming thrilled at the prospect of tomorrow

Get a dress out, make up your face, answer that text

All in hopes that somehow you’re feelings won’t be in vain

Is it too much to hope? Do you dare?  It’s too late now,

Yesterday’s curiosity is washed down the drain,

Today’s prospect is now in sight.

You just can’t broach the subject of parting ways,

Even if it’s right around the corner.

seventeen.

my sister hayley is seventeen and a junior in high school.

that age and that year stand out to me like no other.

the time when you're on the brink of being an "adult" and being a senior in high school.

the time when everything is fresh and new.

the time when the days seem like they go on forever and life would always be this way.

at least that's how i remember it.

i want to post some songs about being seventeen, and the first one i know, says sixteen, but it's still one of my favorites and can still relate to the age. 

 i want to celebrate this age for Hayley, hold on to it as long as you can little sister. i love you :)

jack and diane-john melloncamp

anthems for a seventeen year old girl-broken social scene

seventeen-ladytron

edge of seventeen-stevie knicks (couldn't find a good video for this)

there are tons more i know.

can you think of any?

buenos tardes mis amigas

take me home, country roads

when i pulled off of the interstate and onto 11-E (the highway that leads me home), i felt a rush of adrenaline. 

this is always the case.

i love going home.

i stopped by cardin's drive in and got a peanut butter chocolate milkshake...my favorite :)

i tried to take a picture of it so portray the essence of this place, but my batteries were out on my camera. anyway, it's been there forever, on the side of the highway. just a little hole in the wall place. if you are ever in the knoxville, tn area, look it up and get a milkshake. you won't regret it, plus it's a lot cheaper than some of the chain restaurants. it's soooo yummy :) 

i'm sitting on my back porch now. it really suits me, and it's cozy. this is probably my favorite part of my house. 

it's neat how there are certain places that capture your heart that you'll never forget. these are just a few of mine.

i smell burgers...i think we are grilling out :) 

i've decided to postpone my poem i was talking about a couple posts ago. i apologize, but it's not nearly finished...

buenos tardes

thinking

i'm still listening to heart of gold...can't seem to get away from that song.

music has always had such a huge influence on me...

anyway, i've been in cookeville this weekend. i went up on friday to talk to the people/fill out applications of the places i called last week.  i was gonna leave today, but unfortunately, when i got to the career center to sign something, the woman i needed to see wasn't there.

i was told she'd be back monday, so i decided to stay.

other than that, it's been a nice, relaxing weekend. 

i've gotten together with some friends

and just have enjoyed being here when school is out of session for me. :)

i've been thinking a lot about things that i wish i could change or go back and do over again. i have to reprimand myself for that and tell myself that it was a lesson and the only thing i can do now is move forward. and actually, i probably wouldn't go back now. i only hope that everything from that time hasn't been tarnished too much. i don't wanna spill all the details of what i'm referring to, but i hope you can connect somehow. some things in life we learn the hard way, but in some cases, it's the best way to learn them.

buenos noches

p.s. i can't wait to get back home tomorrow. i miss my dear family :) love you all

pretty much antique

photos that range from 2002-2006 of me and some of my family. enjoy :)

like giants.

i've been working on a poem that i'm pretty excited about...

kinda hesitant to put it up just yet, wanna make sure i have it all right

but be looking out for it :)

buenos noches

miner for a heart of gold

this song has been playing in my head and in my cd player in my car for about two days straight. i love the words, they are simple, yet so profound. the guitar and harmonica add to the greatness of the song.  love it. i love string instruments, they're my favorite. if i could, i'd probably like to play the violin. when a harmonica is added, it just makes for an awesome sound, so i think. plus, i can connect with the lyrics and i know many of you can also. not saying i'm old at all, but i've definitely been "searchin' for a heart of gold; i've been a miner for a heart of gold."

I wanna live
I wanna give
I've been a miner for a heart of gold

It's these expressions I never give
That keep me searchin' for a heart of gold
And I'm gettin' old

Keeps me searchin' for a heart of gold
And I'm gettin' old.

I've been to Hollywood
I've been to Redwood
I crossed the ocean for a heart of gold
I've been in my mind
It's such a fine line
That keeps me searchin' for a heart of gold
And I'm gettin' old

Keeps me searchin' for a heart of gold
And I'm gettin' old

Keep me searchin' for a heart of gold
Ya keep me searchin' and I'm growin' old
Keep me searchin' for a heart of gold
I've been a miner for a heart of gold

big grin.

first of all, i wanna say i was sooo happy, no giddy actually when i checked my blog this morning and saw that nicole mentioned me in her latest blog!!i was so surprised, it made me feel so good. BIG SHOUT out to her: THANK YOU :)

she asked me to write 

7 "awwe-summm" things about myself so here goes :)

1. I had a poem published in an anthology when I was in 4th grade

2. my hair is craazy most of the of the time, it's so curly

3. speaking of my hair, my freshman year in college i dyed the underneath of it black. yeah, i thought it was super awesome back then ha

4. from kindergarden until senior year of high school, i have been the shortest person in my grade. i'm 5'1". there are some shorties like me at TTU though :)

5. i used to live in caledonia, mississippi. it has one red light and last i looked, the population is under 1,000

6. i am the oldest of my cousins, but not surprisingly, the shortest :)

7. i would love to time travel from a little before the civil war and on

she asked me to select 7 lovely ladies to send the lemon award, you're the best award and queen of all things award. this is going to be sooo hard because i love all the blogs i've looked at, but i think i've got it down to 7 :)

Carrie Chaney

Jasmine

Edie

Adele

Nicole

JLC

tunnelmia

thank you so much again nicole for being so sweet 

pollyanna.

Pollyanna was one of my favorite movies as a young girl.

i would watch it, and then reenact what my eyes had just been filled with from the screen.

i didn't realize it then, but thinking back on it, Pollyanna was inspiring to me.

still is today.

she found the positive in every situation.

i wanna be like that more.

memories of the past 3 years compiled into photos

in no particular order from 2006- spring 2009















































so i decided to go through some archives of 2006-present day photos of me and friends/family from my college years so far, hope you enjoy :)